show_my_cannons

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[Well, here's something we haven't seen in a while. What is it, you may ask?]

[It's Ironhide. Standing on his Onix's head and... looking hopelessly lost. Judging from the landscape, he's left Olivine, finally, only to wander into some forest somewhere. Napalm's head barely clears the tops of the trees.]

... Scrap.

[He says a few more choice words -- none of them technically printable -- and squints down at the 'gear.]

[Cliffjumper always had the map, when they went out...]

Where is the compass function on this thing? Trying to get to Goldenrod or... wherever it is the kid has gone.

Towns all sound the same... hnmf.

[This is Ironhide-Speak for: Where the hell am I.]

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[Crow has to admit getting lost when there are so many signs on the routes requires some special talent.]

... Dude, how did you even get there? All the routes are pretty much straight as a line!

... Took a shortcut.

[Which is true. He was trying to avoid needing to fly. Except it didn't work out.]

... A shortcut.

[The duelist lets out a slightly amused snort.]

Guess you took the wrong turn left at some point, no? [... Way to rub it in, Crow.] Either way, if you've got something that can fly, now might be the time to make use of it!

[Though he has to wonder why Ironhide didn't do that in the first place.]

Yeah.

[GRUNT. He's not amused.]

What could have given that away, hmn? [And then he scowls -- even more.] I am not getting off the ground.

[He shrugs, smiling a bit.]

Just a lucky guess. Couldn't be you standing in the middle of nowhere with nothing but trees around!

[The duelist raises an eyebrow a bit at the firm statement.]

Why not? C'mon, you're a big boy! There's nothing to be afraid of, y'know.

Smart aft.

[He shakes his head again, arms folded.]

I. Do not. Fly.

You don't know what you're missing out on! Seriously, it's like the best thing 'bout this place. Nothing beats the feeling of the wind against your skin when cutting through the air at full speed!

[A huge grin spreads across his face as he speaks about it. Talk about enthusiastic...]

... Not to mention it might be the fastest way for you to get back to civilization.

If I were designed for flight, my vehicle mode would have wings! And it does not. I am remaining on the ground.

[Sorry, kid. Ironhide is afraid of very few things -- flying is the big one.]

Then I will take it slowly.

Vehicle-- right, the robot thing.

[Crow raises his hands defensively and shakes his head.]

Fine, fine; it's your loss. Just make sure you can find a way back before you run outta food and water, 'kay?

[He doesn't know about space robots, but he's pretty sure humans need those.]

Where are you off to, anyway? ... And from where?

[He doubts he could tell him how to get back on the route, but maybe he can help in some way at least...]

Yes. The robot thing.

[There are deserts less dry than that tone.]

I doubt I will starve out here. I have been in worse situations.

[He waves a hand.]

Started in Olivine. Now... hng. Trying to get to Saffron.

[Thankfully (?), Crow is rather immune to dry tone.]

I've always imagined robots could fly...

[And by "imagined" he means "the ones that annihilated mankind in my world could". Yeah.

The duelist brightens up at the mention of Saffron.]

Seriously? Hey, that's where I am!

[Although... his shoulders slump a bit as another realization hits him.]

... Holy crap, you must have really shitty sense of direction to get lost on the way there.

[Thank you for this thoughtful insight, Crow.]

Some do. I do not. I was never designed for it.

[And he hates it. Immensely.]

... You with Heather?

I have a fine sense of direction, in my normal frame. This one has no internal compass to speak of!

Okay, I give up.

[Though somewhat reluctantly. Everyone should try flying, it's so much fun...]

You know Heather? [Crow blinks a bit in surprise before carrying on with a smile.] Yeah, sure am! Didn't know she had someone coming to see her, though.

[The duelist rolls his eyes at the complaint. Dude, as far as he knows, you've been here for a while; you should've figured out a way around it by now.]

Then how 'bout external ones? Try checking the position of the sun, moss on the trees and stuff like that.

Yeah, I do. She told me to come see her, out where she was staying.

[A while ago. But... he'd had to tie up a few metaphorical loose ends.]

What does moss and trees have to do with direction?

That's good. She... might need it.

[Because she's been through a lot lately, though he's sure Ironhide is aware of that if he's her friend.]

Moss grows on the north side of the trees. [Duh.] You've got plenty of 'em over there, so you might wanna check it out!

What happened to her now?

[He's noticed she'd had a hard time. All the more reason to come find her.]

No one mentioned that. We have no trees on Cybertron.

Y'know. Same old shit with people disappearing and whatnot.

[He trails off as he says that. For all he knows, Heather's lost at least three people close to her last month -- one of whom was Crow's best friend, too. ... He feels like there could be something else to it, but she wouldn't tell him, so it's nothing but a guess.]

... Can't say we had too many trees in Satellite back in a day, either, but I guess it's just common knowledge on Earth.

... Yeah. I know how it is.

[With Cliff leaving... yeah, he really does. But that doesn't need to be discussed. At all.]

I am not from Earth. Never had to use trees to navigate before.

Who doesn't?

[It's a common problem in this world.]

I know, I know! [He got as much the first time he mentioned being A ROBOT FROM SPACE.] That's why I'm telling you that, geez. Never too late to learn something new, y'know?

The lucky ones.

[And this has been Cynicism With Ironhide. Thank you, please tune in again.]

Think maybe a few million years is too late.

[... that was an attempt at humor. He's not very good at it.]

[...............]

Dude.

Anyone ever told you you've got all the appeal of a piece of sandpaper?

[He doesn't think you even tried at all.]

I have heard that, and agree with it.

It is not my function to be appealing.

[At least he's honest.]

[... Oh, for the love of Crimson Dragon-- Crow folds his arms and gives him a somewhat flat look.]

Is it your function to be as dry as a prune, then?

[He really hopes the answer is no.]

[He blinks.]

What is... a prune?

... Oh.

[Right. Robots probably don't eat those.]

You know what a plum is? The fruit, I mean. When you dry it, you get a prune. Which works really well in cooking-- [Wait, that's not what it's about.] Anyway, point is, it's dry as fuck.

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