show_my_cannons | 17 -- 4th Wall Event -- Video/Action

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17 -- 4th Wall Event -- Video/Action

[Somewhere in Goldenrod, there is a massive black robot. He's about 25' tall, well over four tons, and armed to the teeth.]

[He also looks excessively proud of himself as he kicks snow out of his path. This is the image the 'gear shows over the network.]

About time I was returned to my frame. Cold is hardly a problem now.

[For emphasis, he scoops some of said snow into one huge hand, and compacts it into what may be the largest and most deadly snowball Jhoto has ever seen.]

... Hmm.

[Be warned, citizens. The old weapons master is just looking for a target.]

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_{[Well, let's just say that Heather's sufficiently recovered from her scare with the corpse in the backroom... maybe her manager was in fact able to get rid of the body, and maybe gave her the day off to recover from the trauma or something.]

[Either way, she's plodding along through the snow in her coat and Appropriately Silly Winter Hat (tm), when she spots a familiar gargantuan metal construction looming over the bare treetops.]

[... And holding a giant handful of snow.]

[... WELL THEN.]

[Heather is fully aware that what she's about to do is pretty stupid and may in fact result in severe injury, but she wouldn't be Heather if she let things like that stop her from doing them.]

[There's a characteristic PIFF and patter of snow as a MUCH-SMALLER snowball comes sailing up from the ground a short distance away and strikes Ironhide's arm.]

[He's a pretty big target.]

[She just couldn't resist.]}

[When he feels that PIFF, his head actually snaps around, with something like murder in his expression... before it registers that the projectile was only snow, and the point of origin was a familiar human figure.]

[Well then.]

[The massive snowball in his hand is, almost carelessly, lobbed in Heather's direction.]

_{[... You totally knew this was going to happen, Heather. There's no excuse whatsoever for the overexaggerated OH CRAP face you make when he throws that giant wad of snow.]

[Needless to say she performs a rather impressive awkward noodly run through the snow to dodge the huge snowball-- but it's a little too slow so in the end the only way to avoid it is sort of to just THROW HERSELF FORWARDS out of its way.]

[Which results in a total faceplant into the snow. WOMP.]

[humans are such dignified and majestic creatures aren't they]}

[How come all the Silent Hill protags have noodly runs...]

[And while she's faceplanted in the snow, he limps over to where the sad pile of teenage girl is sprawled out. He nudges her with one huge toe.]

You still functioning?

_{[Because they are all awkward dorks, apparently. At least she's not as bad as Henry. ... Or James, god forbid.]

[At the prod, she rolls over in the snow-- taking a fair amount of it with her, plastered to her clothes.]

[And then she gives him a grin and a thumbs-up.]}

No serious damage detected.

[He's never met James, so he couldn't say.]

Good.

[He crouches down, with a creak and grind of cold joints, examining her.]

Your aim was off. It needs work.

_{[She sits up, dusting snow off of her front.]}

Yeah? I was aiming for your head, but you're like... super tall, and my arms are out of shape.

_{[She lifts one arm and flexes it in demonstration.]}

... Still hit you, though!

Then perhaps we should practice, hmn?

[Since the cold isn't bothering his frame right now, he's quiet happy to stomp around in the powder, and fling it all around.]

[He tilts his head, his expression one of a raised eyebrow.]

_{[A grin, and then she clambers upright. ... There's already another clump of snow in her hands. WILLING STUDENT? YES. YES, SHE IS.]}

Startiiiiiinnng... now?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

[He rolls his shoulders, before he lowers a hand down to her.]

Up you get.

_{[A great big grin shoots across her face and she steps up without hesitation-- this place couldn't be MORE different from the one where she'd last seen Ironhide in all his robotic glory, and as a result, she's far less twitchy.]

[AWWW YEAH SHE GETS TO RIDE ON THE GIANT SPACE ROBOT AGAIN.]}

Hey, why're you back to normal again, anyway?

I mean, in nightmare-land it made sense, but here?

Hmnf. How should I know?

[He lifts her carefully, until he can lower her onto his shoulder, and stand up straight again.]

You want to stand around, asking questions? Or do you want to do something?

All right, all right, I was just curious, s'all.

Let's DO STUFF!

_{[... Yeah. 'Stuff'. Like.... practice aim? She doesn't even know. Once she's on his shoulder, she wobbles her arms a little for balance (at least if she falls, there's a blanket of snow to cushion it, right?) before grabbing onto some of the same ridges she'd held onto in her nightmare that one time. Not that she's totally sure this isn't some kind of dream as well... but hey. Who cares?]}

All right.

[He straightens up, and shakes his cannons free of his arms.]

[He actually chuckles, then.]

Yippee-kie-yay it is... [A beat.] Mother fucker.

_{[... DID HE JUST--]

[... yes, yes he did.]

[Heather just cannot add anything to that that would top the fact that a giant man made of metal had just uttered the words 'Yippie-kie-yay' and 'motherfucker', so rather than try to, she just grins, pumps a wildly-enthusiastic fist in the air, and WHOOPS.]}

WOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH!

[AND THEN THEY'RE OFF.]

[... Okay he doesn't really know what they're off to go do, but it's probably going to involve over-sized snowballs and terrorizing the populace.]

_{[DASHING THROUGH THE SNOOOOWWWW ON A LIMPING SPACE ROBOOOOOOOOT~...]

[Whatever they're doing? Heather looks forward to it. EVERY kid secretly wants an autobot on their team in a snowball fight. She is like the envy of every elementary schooler in America right now.]}

Could you fire actual snowballs out of your cannons or would they just melt?

[He knocks some snow off a tree with his elbow, catching it in his other hand.]

My cannons fire fusion blasts and plasma warheads. Frozen water would not survive so much as a micro-second.

Darn. That would have been pretty cool if you could fire snow. Oh well.

_{[She eyes the snow he got off the tree, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.]}

... How far can you throw with just your arm, anyway?

What would be the use for combat purposes?

[Because, Heather, that's what his guns are for. Killing things.]

[... speaking of which, she may notice there are two more of said weapons strapped to his back. That weren't there before.]

How far did you want me to throw?

_{[If Heather knew a way to use her own arsenal back home for stupid play purposes without accidentally killing somebody, she totally would.]

[She just shrugs, grinning crookedly.]}

Dunno. Just think it'd be AWESOME for snowball fights.

_{[Then she scans the snow-covered horizon, shielding her eyes with one hand.]}

... As far as you can.

[He can't even think of using his weapons for play. That's what fists are for, not guns.]

And when would I have a snow ball fight? Hmn?

[He looks at the snowball in his hand. Then at the horizon. Readouts and calculations flit over his HUD.]

[He winds up.]

[... Yeah that snowball is history.]

_{[... how bout right now. C'mon Ironhide you know you wanna go throw snow at some wild Onix or something.]

[But Heather shrugs again, falling silent in favor of paying her full attention to the upcoming throw. In preparation, she holds on tighter to avoid getting thrown OFF of his shoulder just from the heave-- and WHOA. Dude. ... That snowball (snowBOULDER, more like) is SO gone.]}

... That. Was. Awesome.

[Honestly, he'd probably rather punch some wild pokemon. That's so much more satisfying.]

[He rolls his shoulders as it sails off into the wild blue yonder.]

It was all right.

_{[But-- ... but... think of the giant snow explosions!]

[She wobbles and shifts her feet as he rolls his shoulder-- it's an exercise in balance just as much as it is a ride.]}

All right? All right?

The only way to make THAT better would be to throw it into SPACE.

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